You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
