The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
