Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
