Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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