I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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