I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
