Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
