Having a random hookup so left but love u
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
