dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
