i'm signing you up for texting rehab
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize