dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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