he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
