So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
