Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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