Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You brought string cheese to the strip club
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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