My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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