you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize