saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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