Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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