I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
