that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize