I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
