Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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