Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
