We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
