Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You ruined the universe
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize