im drinking this country out of the recession.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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