I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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