I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
