You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
