I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
