I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
