What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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