I smell stomach acid.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
