I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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