girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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