Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
