I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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