I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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