You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
honey bunches of taint.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
