Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
