my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize