so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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