I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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