just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
