I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
