It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
