i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
