you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
