he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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