Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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