I think im going to throw up on grandma
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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