Will you blow on my dice?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
