So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
