Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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