dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
