NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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