I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
