i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
