bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
