Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
