I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize