you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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