we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
