She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
