Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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