throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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