There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
