Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
