I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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