I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
