we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
two words...techno handjob
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
