the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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