She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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