Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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