I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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