Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
