Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
