I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
