do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
