did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
