I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
