well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The Olympian is in my bed
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
