I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
